PARSHA EMOR

Good Shabbos.   There is a Chinese folk story that speaks of a  woman who got so frustrated with her elderly father repeatedly dropping glass dishes and breaking them that she told her young son to go to the store and buy a cheap plastic plate so grandpa wouldn’t break it.  He returned a short while later with 2 plastic plates, instead of just one. 

“Why did you buy two plates when I only asked you to buy one”, asked the mother? “One is for grandpa”, the boy answered, “and one is for you when you get old”.  

In last week’s parsha we saw the mitzvah of “Honor your Father and your Mother.” This mitzvah is so important it even made it to the 10 commandments.    Interesting to note is the fact that Honor your Father and Mother is listed on the first half of the commandments which deal with the commandments between man and G-d, as opposed to the 2^nd tablets which contains the mitzvos dealing between man and man. 

Is honoring parents truly a mitzvah between man and G-d, or would it be a better fit among the commandments which deal with the relationship between man and man? 

The Sages answer this question by teaching that honoring parents is really a mitzvah between man and G-d, since it teaches respect and appreciation for a higher authority. It is precisely this child-parent relationship that is supposed to prepare the child for a relationship with G-d once he becomes an adult and capable of a more abstract relationship.

Furthermore, honoring parents is not a mitzvah restricted for little children.  It is a mitzvah that lasts all of one’s life.  The way we treat our parents is often the way our children will treat us. 

How should a child be expected to learn to respect a parent if he or she doesn’t see this respect while growing up in their own home? In most cases, a child’s feelings of respect for parents later in life will be directly based upon the respect shown by his parents to his grandparents in earlier years.

I recently came across the lyrics to an old song entitled “Cats in the Cradle“.  It is about the relationship between a father and his son.  I will paraphrase the lyrics which read something like this: The son asks his father:  “When you coming home dad”?  The dad answers: “I don’t know when - but we will get together then, son. You know we’ll have a good time then”.   

Another time the boy asks his father to play ball with him.  The father answers: “Not right now son, I don’t know when - but we will get together then, son. You know we’ll have a good time then”.  The boy says: “That’s OK”, and thinks again how he wants to be just like his dad.    

The song concludes, with the dad saying as follows: 
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu                                 

But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad                                                           And As I hung up the phone it occurred to me,                                             My boy was just like me.

If we think about this just a bit further, perhaps it can help us to make sense of a difficult passage in this week’s portion.  The portion states that a Kohain should remain holy unto G-d and only become defiled to attend to the burial of his parents and of his other closest family members. Then it states: “The High Priest, upon whose head the oil of anointment was poured and who was consecrated to wear the holy clothing……, shall not tear his garments in mourning for any dead body.  Nor shall he defile himself to leave the Temple even to mourn for his father or his mother”. (Vayikra 21:10)

It is like a clash between two mitzvos that seem to require an opposite action.  On one hand you have the High Priest who is supposed to remain holy at all times to serve in the Temple.  On the other hand - one of his parents has passed away and he has a mitzva to respect them by attending the funeral.   So why does Torah decide that he should remain in the Temple?  Now that we understand that honoring parents is so important, why doesn’t the mitzvah of honoring parents supersede the high priest’s obligation to remain holy and serve in the Temple? 

When two mitzvos clash like this, we can only try to delve even deeper into the teachings of the Sages to try to understand why one mitzvah should ultimately be fulfilled, even at the cost of not fulfilling the other.   

A deeper understanding of the mitzvah of honoring parents is that it teaches us the importance of “hakores hatov” - of appreciating the good that someone does for you.  Since it is parents who give life to a child, those parents should be respected. This is also part of the reason for respecting G-d, for He too gave us life and existence.  Furthermore, the child should show thanks for that life by living that life in an upright and proper manner.

One of the most important things that the High Priest did was to set an example for all of the Jews to value life and to be appreciative of this Divine Gift and Blessing. He did this is many ways, but ultimately, he taught this lesson by living his life in a way in which he remained spiritually perfect and ready to serve G-d at all times.   Therefore, although normally one’s respect for parents achieves this goal of showing meaning and value of life, in the case of the Kohen Gadol, to leave his place of holiness and put G-d aside would have shown the opposite of this respect.  So indeed, it is most appropriate for him not to defile himself even for his parents. 

A similar lesson can be seen by considering the Tabernacle.  The Tabernacle  was the holiest place that ever existed for it housed the actual presence of G-d on Earth.  Yet we find that one must delay the building of the Tabernacle in order to celebrate the Shabbos.   Once the Tabernacle was built, the holiness was so great that there were sacrifices that were offered even on Shabbos.  Yet the Tabernacle was forced to be delayed to properly celebrate the Shabbos.  The obvious question is:  If the Tabernacle was so holy and special, why not build it on Shabbos as well?

Our Sages explain that on Shabbos we experience a degree of G-dliness similar to what was felt in the Temple.  Serving G-d in the Temple was the true Divine experience. But building the Temple was only a means towards that end.  To build the Temple on Shabbos would be denying ourselves a full positive experience of G-dliness while we worked towards creating another such experience sometime in the future. 

So too with the High Priest.   He was already experiencing the relationship one must have with G-d that honoring one’s father or mother was meant to foster. Therefore, in his case, to become spiritually defiled and to leave his role as High Priest, even for the sake of honoring a parent, would defeat that very purpose. 

For the rest of us who are not high priests, we should life upright and meaningful lives with honor for pour arents and for G-d in appreciation of the gift and blessing of life.  Mazel Tov to all those who are honoring parents and marking significant occasions in their lives at kiddush today.  May we all celebrate many more happy occasions together, and let us say, Amain.